Burdens

What is a burden? Burdens can be heavy loads or a worry that you don’t share with others. You can carry a burden, someone may be a burden to you or at times you may feel your a burden on someone else. Burdens don’t necessarily have to be bad, they can be something you take on in full knowledge on what is taking place. Most important growth can occur when there is a burden.

I at time feel the burdens of being a mom.  I feel like it is my responsibility to be my kids everything I mean I’m the one who helped them come into this world right?  I want to be at every activity, at every school play, at every party and try my hardest to be at every event I can get too.  It can be extremely tiring, especially when you times that by 6. I will say I am a extremely good planner,  great at multi-tasking, I can delegate and I am never afraid to say, “I NEED HELP!”  You ask my kids what my weakness is and they will tell you, MY MOM CAN’T COOK!  Well I can cook it is just there are 6 of them so the odds of making meals that some kids don’t like throughout the week is pretty much a 100% rate.  Add that to the my full time job as a taxi driving for kids and it seems meal times tend to fall short of stupendous. At times no matter what happens I think us moms tend to always feel like we fall short, someway, somehow and we can do better.

I took on the burden of being a stay at home mom and giving up my career so our children would be able to do the things they love to do. I wanted our weekends to be weekends and not loaded down with tasks to complete that didn’t get done throughout the week.  I’m not saying its a bad thing, I truly have enjoyed it and love being able to do the things I can do with the kids.  I especially love being able to do the 12 loads of laundry during the day during the week instead of staying up all hours of the night and living under a laundry pile on the weekends.  Laundry in a family of 8 is a full time job in itself.

However, at one time I had a career, I was a person other than a mom.   As I start to gain ground and put myself out there, I hit walls and we aren’t interested replies.  I start shifting my thinking to now I am a burden on someone else.  My sacrifices I have made were not valued by outside sources.  I can’t help but think man I really messed up staying home. I start feeling like a bump on a log while the kids are at school, busying myself with housework, the piles of no’s and feeling like I’m mooching off my spouses hard earned money.  All this negative and it makes me pause and say, “God what am I suppose to do with my life” and “what is my big plan.”  You blessed me with a large family what am I supposed to do?

I’m still trying to figure that out and I’m praying about it everyday. I’m blessed that I have my 6 children who cheer me on even though they don’t like my cooking. I’m blessed I have family to remind me that I am worthy and a lot stronger than I think. I’m blessed that I have friends that tell me all the time how truly wonderful and amazing I am as a person.  I’m more thankful and blessed for my prayers answered and unanswered and the fact that Gods love is never conditional and I am always wanted and appreciated by him no matter who I am, what I am, what I do or what I don’t do.

Burdens