Life has a way of trying to trip you up every now and then. It’s like God is showing you paths and you decide which path you are going to take. You may ignore signs, interpret signs falsely, or think you know what you are doing. My whole life I thought I knew what I was doing. You see I have that type A personality that needs to be in control, I have a hard time trusting people to do it the way I would want it done or think it should be done, I have too high of expectations on how people should be or act, my life was perfectly planned and I couldn’t even deal with a piece of wood being thrown at my feet to trip me up. When life trips me up, I fall apart. However, I’m learning I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. This is not about me.
I have suffered loss in my life, however most people have. I have thought selfishly enough is enough God, I have had too much this isn’t fair. I have thought what am I doing so wrong God? Growing up as a stutterer, marrying someone I should not have, a death of a child, a failed marriage, remarrying someone who I thought would fill me, having multiple children, giving up a career to raise my blessings, a rocky 2nd marriage and my last child having special needs. At some point you feel like you give and give, that you start questioning what is the purpose of all this God? Then I stop and think how selfish I have been thinking I deserve a life filled with no hardships just because I think I have had enough.
Our paths lead us to other paths, however no matter what paths we take, God is trying to make us end all at the same road. Being a good and faithful servant. I don’t know what I am doing and that is okay, this isn’t about me anymore. This isn’t about me trying to fill my holes the way I think they need to be filled. I need to find rest, trust in God and let God do his work on me to get me on the road he wants me to be on.
Proverbs 3:5-6 5Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.