Life has a way of trying to trip you up every now and then. It’s like God is showing you paths and you decide which path you are going to take. You may ignore signs, interpret signs falsely, or think you know what you are doing. My whole life I thought I knew what I was doing. You see I have that type A personality that needs to be in control, I have a hard time trusting people to do it the way I would want it done or think it should be done, I have too high of expectations on how people should be or act, my life was perfectly planned and I couldn’t even deal with a piece of wood being thrown at my feet to trip me up. When life trips me up, I fall apart. However, I’m learning I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. This is not about me.
I have suffered loss in my life, however most people have. I have thought selfishly enough is enough God, I have had too much this isn’t fair. I have thought what am I doing so wrong God? Growing up as a stutterer, marrying someone I should not have, a death of a child, a failed marriage, remarrying someone who I thought would fill me, having multiple children, giving up a career to raise my blessings, a rocky 2nd marriage and my last child having special needs. At some point you feel like you give and give, that you start questioning what is the purpose of all this God? Then I stop and think how selfish I have been thinking I deserve a life filled with no hardships just because I think I have had enough.
Our paths lead us to other paths, however no matter what paths we take, God is trying to make us end all at the same road. Being a good and faithful servant. I don’t know what I am doing and that is okay, this isn’t about me anymore. This isn’t about me trying to fill my holes the way I think they need to be filled. I need to find rest, trust in God and let God do his work on me to get me on the road he wants me to be on.
Proverbs 3:5-6 5Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
What is a burden? Burdens can be heavy loads or a worry that you don’t share with others. You can carry a burden, someone may be a burden to you or at times you may feel your a burden on someone else. Burdens don’t necessarily have to be bad, they can be something you take on in full knowledge on what is taking place. Most important growth can occur when there is a burden.
I at time feel the burdens of being a mom. I feel like it is my responsibility to be my kids everything I mean I’m the one who helped them come into this world right? I want to be at every activity, at every school play, at every party and try my hardest to be at every event I can get too. It can be extremely tiring, especially when you times that by 6. I will say I am a extremely good planner, great at multi-tasking, I can delegate and I am never afraid to say, “I NEED HELP!” You ask my kids what my weakness is and they will tell you, MY MOM CAN’T COOK! Well I can cook it is just there are 6 of them so the odds of making meals that some kids don’t like throughout the week is pretty much a 100% rate. Add that to the my full time job as a taxi driving for kids and it seems meal times tend to fall short of stupendous. At times no matter what happens I think us moms tend to always feel like we fall short, someway, somehow and we can do better.
I took on the burden of being a stay at home mom and giving up my career so our children would be able to do the things they love to do. I wanted our weekends to be weekends and not loaded down with tasks to complete that didn’t get done throughout the week. I’m not saying its a bad thing, I truly have enjoyed it and love being able to do the things I can do with the kids. I especially love being able to do the 12 loads of laundry during the day during the week instead of staying up all hours of the night and living under a laundry pile on the weekends. Laundry in a family of 8 is a full time job in itself.
However, at one time I had a career, I was a person other than a mom. As I start to gain ground and put myself out there, I hit walls and we aren’t interested replies. I start shifting my thinking to now I am a burden on someone else. My sacrifices I have made were not valued by outside sources. I can’t help but think man I really messed up staying home. I start feeling like a bump on a log while the kids are at school, busying myself with housework, the piles of no’s and feeling like I’m mooching off my spouses hard earned money. All this negative and it makes me pause and say, “God what am I suppose to do with my life” and “what is my big plan.” You blessed me with a large family what am I supposed to do?
I’m still trying to figure that out and I’m praying about it everyday. I’m blessed that I have my 6 children who cheer me on even though they don’t like my cooking. I’m blessed I have family to remind me that I am worthy and a lot stronger than I think. I’m blessed that I have friends that tell me all the time how truly wonderful and amazing I am as a person. I’m more thankful and blessed for my prayers answered and unanswered and the fact that Gods love is never conditional and I am always wanted and appreciated by him no matter who I am, what I am, what I do or what I don’t do.
What does it take for someone to be selfless in hard situations? It is hard to get past, hey what about me, I care about you, but hey what about me! The changes in someone else can only help us change right? However, what if you focused on changing yourself within instead of trying to elude the other person to change. At this point, I know your thinking man this sucks, because what about me! I’m only the way I am because the people around me react a certain way and I need to speak my truth to tell them they are wrong. Are you right, or only right in your own head? How often has “your truth spoken” got you in positive happy situations? I am extremely guilty of this, I must react and speak my mind because heavens I must inform the person they are absolutely wrong. However, what would happen if I stopped, held my tongue and just thought and prayed for God to help me respond. I have NO IDEA because I never do it. Wow that is a problem I need to change.
The bible states in James 3:2 “We all make many mistakes. If people never said anything wrong, they would be perfect and able to control their entire selves, too.” Wow, God knows that I make mistakes and can’t control myself, I SHALL RECEIVE GRACE! However, that doesn’t invite me to continue on my own path of wisdom and truth to set others straight. Setting others straight with “truth bombs” can sometimes invite unwanted consequences. How can one get past this? You ask God for wisdom in every moment of your life, not just the emergencies. In James 1:5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, ans he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
How can I set my path right before God, to learn to tame by over flowing tongue? Remembering that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, Proverbs 15:1. I should seek wisdom and pause, because wisdom is better than my own personal truth bombs. It is okay not to respond to someone right away and say you know what I’m upset, I need to sit and pray about this situation. I think we all can learn that our reactions to unpleasant events can invite positive or negative consequences into the situation. Being truthful is Gods way, however truth in love is how it is delivered and sometimes it takes a lot of love to get to the truth. So I am choosing to be selfless and hold my tongue that wasn’t meant to be tamed so I can better serve my God in everything I do.
“Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth” -1 John 3:18
Building your inner strength is a life long task. I’ve come to learn that life is uncertain and unpredictable. When my life changes I feel insecure, off balance and unclear of what to do next. What are ways I can empower myself and take care of me when that piece of wood gets thrown in to trip me up.
The me I know would take a few days and cry, go through a cycle of poor pity me and try to find a reason of why this is happening. However I’m learning to STOP and be empowered. What are ways that I have started empowering myself to change my cycle? I ask God for help, I slow down and I rest with him. I need to learn to trust in him more and take care and support my feelings and needs. As a mom it’s hard to try to focus on yourself. You begin comparing yourself to other moms and start having self doubt that you even deserve some time to take care of yourself. You start questioning if you are a selfish person for wanting that time and thinking you deserve it. You start filling up every free hour with a task because you feel that it is your job and purpose and that it needs to be done to make you look efficient and useful. You see these are things that run in my mind constantly that I need to stop and let God take control.
I find my inner strength and empowerment when I surround myself with people who love and accept me for me. I feel my strength when I don’t ignore my feelings and I listen and support them. I feel my strength when I am creating. I feel my strength when I am helping others, even when it is just my own children. God gives me these strengths to see my good to know that I am worthy. This world has a way of making you see yourself how you should be, makes you doubt yourself and your abilities. However, I’m empowered by God to rest and be still and focus on the inner strength that lies within instead of what the rest of the world is telling me to be strong about.
What is your inner strength?
“I hope you know you’re capable, brave and significant. Even when it feels like you’re not.” anonymous
2 Samuel 22:33 “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”